


Code Name Mittens

by somessalt



Series: Welcome to the Danger Zone [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Action/Adventure, Death, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Inappropriate Humor, KuroYaku will eventually be the star of the show I swear but everyone sleeps around, Kuroo but make him an alcoholic bisexual version of chaotic james bond, Kuroo respecting women? no, M/M, Oikawa has some issues, Past Relationship(s), Spy/Espionage AU, Unreliable Narrator, Violence, Yaku WILL kill Kuroo one day, childhood friends to enemies to friends to lovers, everyone has issues ngl, old pop culture references, strong gremlin energy Suga
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:40:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23976883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somessalt/pseuds/somessalt
Summary: Kuroo quickly learned that it’s quite difficult dealing with the high demands of global espionage work for his domineering brother/boss Oikawa Tooru, while simultaneously trying to escape his ex-boyfriend, Yaku Morisuke, who just so happens to be his coworker. They often find themselves nearly ripping each other's head off, but despite the mutual disdain, they're frequently partnered together on missions.On the surface Kuroo Tetsurou is a suave, devilishly-handsome spy reminiscent of his childhood hero, James Bond. He is undeniably an intuitively good operative, rarely showing fear in the face of life-threatening situations. However, Kuroo is an extremely narcissistic, sex-crazed, and self-absorbed man who is constantly focused on himself. Possibly a result of his childhood, Kuroo is trapped in perpetual adolescence, never taking anything seriously unless it personally affects him.Although their work of espionage, reconnaissance missions, wiretapping and undercover surveillance is daunting and dangerous, at the Nekoma office, every covert operative or global crises are merely opportunities for it's highly trained employees to confuse, undermine, betray and royally screw each other for personal gain.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Daishou Suguru/Yaku Morisuke, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Yaku Morisuke, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Series: Welcome to the Danger Zone [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1728748
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	1. MISSING.

**Author's Note:**

> Active Nekoma Agent File.

_C://TETSUROU//:Run__

Agent: Tetsurou, Kuroo. 

Alias: MITTENS  
Gender: Male  
Height: 6’2” (188 cm.)  
Eye Color: Brown  
Hair Color: Black  
Occupation: Elite Intelligence Operative  
Citizenship: The United States of America  
Primary Skills: Covert Operations… Unarmed Combat… Firearms… Explosives… Asset Acquisition… Enemy Agent Disposal… 

**LICENSE TO KILL**

-Agent is highly trained and considered dangerous [more…] ^

-Approach with caution, professional channels only [more…] ^

-All intelligence reliable [more…] ^

Current Status: **MISSING**


	2. Prologue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm wildly unprepared

A gruff voice filled the room coming from the large flatscreen portal, which happened to display an angry-looking man sitting in the cockpit of a private aircraft. 

Even without the thin visible scar running down his face, he gave off a generally unwelcome aura. He seemed focused on the task at hand, eyes never leaving the many blinking flight instruments lining the interior. 

_“So good and bad news. I found him; he’s just at some honeymoon hotspot in Hawaii. He’s in the middle of the Pacific ocean tending some dumb ass bar so I’m not particularly worried about his safety right now. You shouldn’t be either. I’ll be picking him up tonight, I’ll be back in New York in two days, max so… Tooru?”_

Oikawa blearily blinked up from staring at the ice in his empty old fashioned glass. He had been slumped over the oak desk in his office facing towards the screen in a daze. All of this was like being stuck in a never-ending nightmare. 

_Even when you think it’s over, it’s never really over._

Releasing an exhale he wasn’t aware he was holding, he tiredly ran a hand through his limp, deflated hair. It had become increasingly apparent to everyone around him that he could care less about how he looks. His suit lay wrinkled against his body, hair sat askew on his head, and the puffy eye bags that had invaded his face were neither normal nor typical.

But that being said, nothing about this was normal. 

This wasn’t the reunion he wanted. The countless hours imaging this very moment seemed fruitless.

_What a waste._

He wasn’t sure if it was the looming unknown or the fact that it had to do with Kuroo that had him at standstill and waiting by the phone most hours. 

Everything seemed to be falling apart at the seams; his control was slipping and the fairytale was ending fast. Hajime was right there, he was finally reaching out and yet… 

_“Tooru? Are you okay?”_

He hadn’t even realized he was crying until he felt hot tears pool at his chin. The worry laced in his voice only served to further weigh down the heaviness in his chest, absolutely nothing about this was ideal.

Quickly wiping his tears on the sleeve of his turtleneck, he readjusted his suit coat and sat up straight to reach for the bottle of Wolfschmidt resting on his desk.

After refilling his glass and downing half of its contents, he lifted his head with his winning forced smile. Throat tight, he said “I’m fine! I’m good. I’m really glad you found him.” 

_“You know, I’d like to think even after all of these years you would have gotten better at lying to me.”_

_Ah._

_This…_

He remembered this familiar feeling. 

The simplicity of his mild concern.

Oikawa half-heartedly chuckled to himself before bringing his glass back up to his lips. The burning liquor pooling in his stomach would only be a temporary fix, but temporary was better than nothing. 

He might as well cling to the fleeting feeling of nostalgia and comfort. 

_Nothing is ever permanent._

“Can you blame me? I’m a little out of practice to say in the least.” Oikawa cocked up an eyebrow playfully, but his smirk dropped after noticing the other go completely silent and shift his eyes back to piloting.

Silence.

It’s hard to tell with the permanent scowl etched in his face, but it wasn’t difficult for Oikawa to instantly pick up on his familiar uncomfortable shifting.

_Too soon._

Clearing his throat, rare, genuine guilt crossed his features. “You know I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry for bringing it up, Iwa.” 

_“It’s been a long time since I’ve heard you say that.”_

Oikawa crossed his arms and frowned.

“What, ‘I’m sorry’? If you’re gonna be an ass-” 

_“No, dipshit, my name. I… I’m sorry. I guess I missed hearing it come from your mouth.”_

It was easy to overlook the initial outburst, that had been one of the most sincere and soft things he’d ever been told in his life. It completely took him off guard. 

It made his stomach flutter with anxiousness, something he hadn’t experienced in a very long time. His heart was comparable to a hummingbird, a constant hammering rang in his ears. He missed this.

_I missed you._

Suddenly Oikawa froze, staring at the ice in his empty glass. 

The blood in his veins went cold; everything about this was just wrong. Oikawa collected himself and put on his business face.

Much less emotion this way.

“Don’t get used to it. I’ll book us our old booth for Friday at nine, but in the meantime I need you to focus on the task at hand. I need you to bring him back home to me. Please stay safe.”

Oikawa quickly turned off the screen without allowing a response and plopped down his desk chair. Letting out a shaky breath, he paused and focused on the wall in front of him. His knuckles turned white before he stood up again.

He didn’t deserve this.  
Loud, explosive screaming ripped through his throat, all of it erupted through the room as he sent his glass hurtling towards the bookshelf. Glass flew through the air, exploding into millions of pieces on contact. 

He grabbed more items off his deck to throw at the wall, continuing to yell as he threw.

He will _never_ be deserving.

The primal urge to destroy ripped through him like a tornado, everything hurt. 

God, why does everything have to hurt so much?


	3. Surprise, Suprise!

#  **TWO YEARS PREVIOUS **.

# 

****

Squinting in the dark, the raven-haired man groaned after attempting to flex his strained and confined muscles. Cold tile pressed against his back made him want to leave this room as soon as possible, but the metal cuffs digging into his wrists and ankles said otherwise. Hardly anything was visible with half of his face covered in a constant state of bedhead, but he didn’t need sight to know that he’d been stripped down to his boxer briefs with both of his arms and legs restrained to a wall two feet off the ground. The pressure of his own weight left red, raw marks on his skin, but the uncomfortable burning sensation was easy to ignore due to the other man's annoying presence. 

Surprises are so lame.

Slowly pacing the room in the shadows, he put an unlit cigar in his mouth and walked towards the hanging body on the wall. A small glowing flame approached his face which brought contrast to the poorly lit area. Stepping out of the shadows directly underneath the singular lit lightbulb in the room, a lanky male stared. He seemed goblin-like, his eyes especially did him no favor with the comically large cigar between his teeth.

What sort of idiot actually _believes_ they would look intimidating walking around like this? 

His red hair contrasted his KGB uniform, it even looked a little short on the sleeves and pant legs due to his gangly anatomy. With his wild hair swept back out of his face with gel, the longer you stared, the more out of place he looked. Nothing intimidating, but certainly _different._

And different is _bad._

_This is so stupid. Why must you put me through this?_

The gargoyle finally decided to stop messing with his cigar. Approaching the hostage, he began speaking.

“Tetsurou, Kuroo. Code name Mittens.” The excessive fake Russian accent was very prevalent as he spoke, which caused the latter to roll his eyes. The shadow stepped closer to the wall pulling a drag from his cigar. He almost looked like a monkey with a banana in its mouth. 

“Known from Berlin to Bangkok as the world’s most dangerous spy. So for us, this is-- how you say-- ‘a good get’.” Kuroo stared and squinted his eyes as the other flicked his wrist to get rid of the built-up ash, stepping closer to exhale smoke directly in Kuroo’s face. 

_Your voice makes me want to shove razor blades in my ears dude._

“But not so good for you Mr. Kuroo, because you have information that I want.” He stepped out of the way of his face and walked over to a wooden table to the left. The surface held many razors, a pair of rusty pliers, and a small black and silver metal box with cords attached to it. Facing Kuroo again, he picked up two metal clamps, one red, the other black. 

“And this may be old cliche, but…” Both metal tips in his hands made contact as electric energy filled the air, yellow and red sparks flying across the room. He slowly set the jumper cables back on the wood and turned around. 

“We have ways of making you talk.”

Kuroo blankly stared back at him, silence filling the room for a few seconds.

“What?” Raising an eyebrow, Kuroo returned a smug face full of boredom. “Your little go-kart battery?”

“Golf cart.” Lacking the original heavy Russian dialect, he furrowed his eyebrows and started reaching for the cable again, growing in annoyance.

_There’s about a million other things I could be doing right now, but when has my sleep schedule ever mattered to Oikawa? I can’t believe Goshiki woke me up to answer my stupid phone. Just who do they think they are? This is the last place I wanna be right now._

“Whatever. Would you pick an accent and stick with it?” He narrowed his cat-like eyes in return. Two could play this game after all. 

“Listen here, you little-”

“Son of a _bitch!_ ”

A new higher pitch male voice shrieked through the speaker on the wall, filling the room with his loud voice.

_Your words, not mine._

In unison, all the lights turned on in the room to reveal the makeshift torture chamber set up in the breakroom. An observation mirror lit up as a lean, male figure stood inside his office crossing his arms, completely unamused. A crystal glass filled with ice and honey-colored liquid sat in his left hand as glared through the glass divider.

“Now you did it.” Rolling his eyes, goblin-man turned around and grabbed the cables again. Kuroo continued to have a glaring match with the man in the mirror.

After taking a large and theatrically loud sip of his drink in hand, he finally broke the silence.

“What is the point of these simulations-”

“Tendou’s arousal?” Kuroo said pointedly glaring at the lanky, red-haired man standing. 

Everyone paused. Both Tendou and the man outside of the room narrowed their eyes at Kuroo as he stared on at the vending machine, completely unphased.

Taking a deep breath, he began again. “... If you don’t take them seriously?!” His voice was laced with annoyance and agitation. The way he was fidgeting with the hem of his turtleneck made his frustration more obvious to Kuroo. He was very aware that his shit-eating grin was visible even with half of his face covered by hair.

Scoffing, he yelled towards the observation mirror. “How can I? Between his lame accent and the _go-kart battery-_ ”

_“Golf cart.”_ Tendou stepped forward, clenching his fists.

Rolling his eyes, he blew a strand of hair out of his face. “ _Shut up._ And speaking of lame, _Oikawa,_ my code name-”

“Was chosen at random by the Nekoma computer.” Dramatically sighing and moving his wrist in a circular motion, he rattled the ice around in his empty glass. 

“Random? It was your cat’s name.” Deadpanning at the window between the breakroom fridge and vending machine, Kuroo grew more annoyed. And hungry.

“Oh Mittens… I loved her so much.” 

“That it was creepy and pathetic?”

_I didn’t forget about the recreation of John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s cover photo. New York gays are a different breed._

“And if you were half as smart as she was--”

“She wasn’t too smart to die from eating chocolate, was she?” Kuroo said, cocking his head with a scornful expression. Tendou gaped.

A loud outraged gasp was heard over the speaker. “Exercise _terminated!”_

_Good._

Kuroo flipped the rest of his hair out of his face to show his proud grin. “Alright, that's lunch then.”

“Agent performance-- Unsatisfactory!” The light shown through the mirror dimmed, blocking access of viewing to those inside the room. Only a dark silhouette could be seen, arms still crossed with a drink in his hand. 

“Awe come on, Oikawa! At worst that was ‘needs improvement’.”

Tendou shook his head and frowned at the man still hanging from the wall. “Jesus, Kuroo. You think this is a game?”

“No, I think Jenga’s a game.”

“What if I’d been real KGB?”

“I’d assume you’d be trying to suck a promotion out of some Russian guy’s cock.”

“Well, maybe I never get promoted-”

“And never will.”

Tendou held the metal clamps in his hands near Kuroo’s face to make a point. 

“Because my big brother’s not the boss.”

_Woah, big man on campus! Aren’t you so big and scary, goblin boy?_

“And maybe you just got your FACE KICKED OFF!” The chain holding Kuroo to the wall jingled as he kicked out his bare leg directly in front of Tendou’s face. He stood far enough away to not worry about potentially being harmed, but Kuroo left his leg sticking out.

“See that? That’s my foot in your face. Smell the embarrassment- AAHG!” He was quickly interrupted by Tendou grinding the tip of his cigar into his foot. The intense burning instinctively brought him to raid his arms up to protect himself. Sudden movement caused two of his restraints to snap, which brought him crashing to the floor and cradling his leg. 

Tendou stood over him with smugness plastering his face because everyone loves to thrive off Kuroo's suffering.

_You know, I always hated the green goblin._

_______________________________________________________

_Ring ring ring ring. Ring ring ring ring. Ring ring ring ring. Ring ring ring ring. Ring ring ring ring. Ring ring ring ring. Ring ring ring ring. **Ring ring ring ring.** _

The bedside phone sitting on the honey oak nightstand continued to scream, earning a groan from the barely conscious man. His groggy head felt like lead as he lifted it up in time to hear the final ring, and the answering machine giving a click.

A stern male voice echoed from the speaker through the large master bedroom. 

_“This is Crow’s Nest Laundry._ Again. _Your shirts have been ready for over a week.”_ A brief click followed, and Kuroo grumbled swears into his pillow. It was hard to ignore the pounding headache with his phone screaming. 

Or the dry feeling in his mouth. 

_Water… aqua… hydration... I could quite literally drink my own piss from thirst._

Kuroo turned his head, immediately regretting his decision. He didn’t lift his arm up quick enough to in defense of the blinding sun, so he sank further into the sheets to settle sudden nausea. 

Excessive drinking and mornings really don’t mix. 

_Urine cocktails and all thoughts of it will be postponed until further notice._

Golden rays of light filled the master bedroom through the glass wall facing the New York City skyline. Sunlight reflected off mauve painted walls and the floor littered with empty bottles of various forms of expensive alcohol and champagne glasses sent sparkling light refractions all across the room. The earth tones and accents throughout the furniture appeared lighter in the midmorning light. 

There must have been some twisted sense of irony to have a man like him live in such a nice flat. It really was beautiful, but it currently looked like a tornado of college students came through.

Most of the floor was covered in empty bottles of Piper- Heidsieck, various forms of clothes, a pair of heels, and blankets that had been thrown off the bed. An empty bottle of lube laid on the ground with crumpled foil condom wrappers, truly adding to the New York aesthetic.

Kuroo had been passed out and completely nude, but ultimately determined to sit up to his usual ‘alarm’, if you could even call it that. He laid on top of his red silk sheets, staring off at the ceiling. His mind raced full of thoughts, even if he wasn’t completely awake or so much as sober yet. 

Really, what else was there to do in your free time? Would you rather have fun and forget everything that made you sad to begin with, or sit and stew in bitterness? Espionage has no room for pussies. 

_Since when has thinking ever done anything good for me anyway?_

Many people went through life solely on their looks, so why couldn’t he? What could stop him? Doesn’t society promote you to look hot and be stupid? 

Himbo rights?

Kuroo squinted harshly when glanced through the wall as the morning sun poured in the room. The golden rays highlighted his abdomen, finally giving his physique justice. He’s pale for his line of work, but still quite built. Faint and fresh scars littered his flesh from head to toe, but none were prominent or noticeable enough to raise suspicions to the normal naked eye.

_I feel entirely too gay to be wishing for french monarchy era drapes. Oikawa would throw a fit, but I’m not sure he’d have a right considering the glass wall was his idea. He’s probably never heard the phrase ‘Never Eat Soggy Weenies’._

His eyes hurt. But so did his bicep.

_Are you trying to give me Photokeratitis? Was this your plan all along, dear brother?_

Large, red crescent indentations ran along his arm, he lifted his arm up once more to move the offending object. He scowled.

_That’s certainly not a pillow. Feminists may have had a point; free the nipple._

“Ugh.” Removing the abandoned black lacy bra lying underneath his arm, he threw it across the room. The bra connected with a half-empty bottle and produced a loud crash, abruptly awakening the naked blonde woman laying on the bed. 

_Oh shit._

Kuroo lived for the hunt. 

Picking up his prey, having his fun until the early hours of the morning, or until he’s blackout drunk, and discarding the remains in the morning. 

The discarding part was his least favorite; it tended to be the messiest step.

Rubbing her eyes, she sat up and smiled to look Kuroo in the face, completely unaware he was the reason behind her rude wake. After fully realizing where she was, she relaxed and scooted closer into Kuroo. 

Hunger danced across her eyes, and for just waking up she still looked beautifully wrecked. Her hair flowed golden behind her, blue irises glowed in the sunlight. 

“Good morning Kuroo~” She dragged a finger up his muscled chest, eyeing him up and down with her bottom lip between her teeth. Bruising in the shape of fingertips surrounded her hips and backside. Hickies took residence over most of her neck, some traveling as far down as her navel. 

Kuroo had been staring off in a daze until he felt a finger run over his skin. 

He faced his shoulders towards the woman and cocked an eyebrow trying to remember the events that led up to this. Results inconclusive, he plastered on his most charming grin and went with the flow.

_Fake it til you make it, right?_

“Hey, uh... you~” He masked his brief confusion by gently stroking his finger along her chin and purring his words. 

The ability to deepen your voice and sound sultry on command is an amazing set of skills when labeled the ‘King of the Honeypot’.

She closed her eyes and moved her body closer to him, it was still fairly chilly in the room. Hair pooled around her head onto Kuroo’s bare chest like a broken egg yolk. She relaxed into the touch of his hand in her hair, they sat in comfortable silence on top of silk.

The locks in her hair were a pale blonde, but they were just blonde enough to make Kuroo freeze. He stared at the empty corner of the room and completely forgot about the woman currently admiring his toned muscles.

...

_“Hey Yaku, you’re bi right?” Kuroo froze with wide eyes in front of the watercooler after catching wind of the ongoing conversation around the corner. He didn’t like this. He didn’t like this at all._

_“Yeah… why?” Yaku hesitantly set his sandwich down in front of him on the small desk clearing. Kuroo curiously peeked his head around the wall to watch him respond and hold a wary eye trained on his coworker. Yaku messed with a few tufts of strawberry blonde hair on his head, running his fingers through the short strands. He held his breath in anticipation; the nervous energy was palpable as they awaited the possible trainwreck about to unfold._

_“Oh, okay I thought so. We’re just trying to tally up the singles hitting karaoke tonight after happy hour. You like girls with short hair though, huh?” Yaku exhaled in relief and laughed at the picture of Chelsea Brown his colleague held up._

_“I do!! Women truly are wonderful, aren’t they? But I’ve kinda got my eye on someone right now, thanks though.” He grinned brightly and started working back on his sandwich._

_“What about you then, Mr. Nosey?” Setting down his picture, he turned his head towards the corner of the wall. Stepping out from behind the wall, Kuroo held his award-winning grin._

_“Long hair.” He leaned against the cubicle, playing it safe by avoiding direct eye contact with Yaku._

_“I mean, you’ll be there tonight? No use in playing dumb, you and I both know that you stood there the entire conversation.”_

_“Busted. And hmm… no. I’ve got a hot date.” Kuroo pushed himself off the wall to head back to his desk. Before making his exit, he made sure to lightly brush by Yaku with a wink._

_He would never forget the small, soft smile on Yaku’s lips._

It wasn’t long ago he had spent most of his mornings basking in this sunlight, sitting in the soft sheets as the shower ran faintly in the background. Back when the floor looked less like the aftermath of a frat party. Back when it used to be something to look forward to, a special and intimate moment to share with someone, rather than a reminder to hit the ATM. 

It didn’t matter how many prostitutes or nameless faces from the bar he brought home.

They’re not him, and they never will be him. There’s nothing wrong with trying to make the fantasy last, right?

It was pathetic really.

Kuroo laid there, completely lost in thought. Sometimes memories are all you’ll have left.

“Hey uh… as much as I’m enjoying this, ” The woman glanced at the clock on the wall and looked back up to Kuroo in a daze. “I gotta get to school soon…can you drive me to West Point?” She moved her focus to the crumpled uniform in the corner. Kuroo just kept looking at her hair, seemingly stuck in his thoughts.

_Ah. Blonde. Wait-_

As her words finally sunk in, a huge wave of realization washed over, once happy features slowly fell into a frown. He furrowed his eyebrows as his eyes widened suddenly.

It was a shame, she seemed nice. She probably would have been decent company over breakfast. 

“Wooaaaahh wait. Wait a minute now. Did you just say West Point? As in, West Point, the _military academy?_ Are you fucking crazy? Absolutely _not._ ” Kuroo shot up yelling, both glaring at his conquest and rushing to gather clothes scattered on the floor.

“Wait! You promised me a ride home!” She gasped and sat up in shock, covering herself with the sheet. She stared at the back of his head, but he avoided eye contact. Kuroo kept gathering clothes and briefly stepped out of the room into the living room. 

Trudging back in, he picked up a pair of shoes on the floor. “Looking like that? Sweetheart, I’m a secret agent. I can’t be caught up like this. I don’t just sit and protect gates all day, because unlike most military sheep, I’m actually a necessary asset.” He took a deep breath and added, “Home implied a house, an apartment, things of the sort.”

_“Excuse me?”_ Kuroo could see in her eyes she was equally confused and offended. Raising up a golden object, he waved it around on a cocked hip. His mouth pressed into a thin line as she narrowed her eyes. 

_How dumb do you have to be to leave your MP badge on the floor?_

He silently raised an unamused eyebrow, face spreading in his cat-like grin. 

“I know enough to potentially cause World War III. Kuroo, actual espionage,” He pointed at himself and then added slowly, “uh… you, pretend cop. Get out.” He forcibly shoved down all of her clothes he had been gathering onto her lap, with a big bright smile plastered on his face.

She looked at him with wavering but strong eyes. A deep frown had settled, most likely from anger that she was too startled and nervous to display.

_She didn’t like that. Oopsies._

“Oh really now?” She stood up incredulously and quickly started to put on her clothes.  
“If I’m so lowly, oh mighty king, do you really think it’s a smart idea to blab to the whole nation you’re a secret agent? But really, that doesn’t matter because you don’t even remember my name, do you?” It sounded more like a statement than a question, but her eyes remained focused on him as she stood. She almost sounded sad or disappointed, but Kuroo didn’t want to dwell on how that made him feel.

_Oh, she really didn’t like that._

“Nope! Now out you go, put put!” He started shoving her towards the door by the small of her back, but she showed little resistance. She seemed done with the situation at hand, so she continued to put on her clothes facing the opposite direction of him. Kuroo started walking back towards the bedroom before she suddenly spoke up, already in her uniform and ready to walk out the door. 

“You're a real asshole, you know that?” Shoes in hand, her head peeked over her shoulder. A defeated and stern expression stayed etched into her facial features, something that could hardly be considered uncommon. 

“So I’ve heard. Have a nice day.” A smirk graced his face as Kuroo shut the door, barely missing her face. Sounds of muted shouts of profanity rang through his ears, but he shook off any thoughts of self-reflection and consequences.

_I’m well in tune with my self-image, points for trying though. I’m Kuroo fucking Tetsurou. You’re the idiot shame walking outside, not me. Shouldn’t have come over in the first place. Fucking Goshiki._

Kuroo stomped back to his bedroom and watched as an overly eager man with an awful black bowl-cut approached him. Otherwise mostly ignoring him, he narrowed his eyes at the newly arrived and stepped over to rummage through his work attire. 

_Target confirmed._

“I’m gonna take a shower. I expect this all cleaned up,” He gestured to all of the previous night’s abandoned paraphernalia. “And Eggs Sardou, add extra caviar and truffles, a mimosa, two croissants, and the morning paper better sitting on that balcony by the time I get out. Then we’re gonna talk.” He maintained eye contact, but the other man cracked and looked away.

“Yes, sir.” The man bowed his head in apology and kept his head down. Kuroo snapped his fingers and the man immediately sprang into action. He walked out without a word and bounced in his step, which earned an eye roll from Kuroo. 

_So we’re just hiring anyone nowadays, huh? In this economy?_

He quickly returned back into the room with two fresh, warm towels draping over his arm. Kuroo quickly snatched it from him and headed into the bathroom with his chosen suit for the day. Stripping down to his birthday suit for the second time that morning, he stepped into the hot stream of water in preparation for the day ahead of him. Droplets of water fell down his sore muscles caused by the previous night.

_I need a drink._

_______________________________________________________

Kuroo held his cup in his left hand while his right held the Friday morning paper. His white button-up was tucked into a nicely tailored pair of black slacks. The top few buttons of his shirt remained undone, but it added to the sexy, disheveled look that got him his constant attention. His hair may sometimes be considered ‘unprofessional’, but he didn’t care in the slightest. It remained perfectly wild on his head, his front fringe partially blocking his right eye gave his mysterious aura an edge. 

He sat on a metal-framed glass chair, matching the outdoor glass table set sitting on the balcony. The sun had fully risen over the city skyline, so there were no worries of going blind while enjoying his breakfast. 

Exactly what he had ordered, lay spread out in front of him. His servant stood dutifully straight with his hands clasped behind his back. Kuroo went to take a sip of his coffee to find his mug empty, so he stuck his hand in Goshiki’s direction.

“It's a shortlist, Goshiki.” 

“Yes, sir.” Goshiki refilled Kuroo’s cup, then stood in front of him again unmoving. 

The usual advertisements and politically biased articles grew boring, it was time to pick another form of entertainment. 

“Two things we don’t allow in here- what are they?” Kuroo set down his paper, placing his elbows on the table. Both of his hands wrapped around his mug, head cocking to the side as he blew on the steaming liquid. Cat comparable eyes stared intensely over the table, awaiting an answer.

“Military personnel and your brother.” He proudly gave his answer with a beaming smile, overly excited to recite simple orders back.

“Mhm. That’s a very short list, isn’t it?” Kuroo took a sip of his coffee with a dangerous glint; eyes remained trained on the face of his increasingly uncomfortable butler. Goshiki began shifting nervously in his spot, face contorting as if he was about to say something.

“Well? You gonna spit it out?” Kuroo set down his mug, clasping his hands together over the table. Goshiki furrowed his eyebrows and finally broke the growing silence and tension.

“You were quite, uh-”

“What? What was I?” Kuroo quickly interrupted and narrowed his eyes again at the man as his volume increased.

“Insistent that an exception be made, sir.” Goshiki quietly looked over to the side, staring through the glass wall into the bedroom. A military I.D sat on the dresser, left and forgotten in a rush.

_“No no no, because forget the dumb rule,” Kuroo belched loudly and continued on, “this chick is AMAZING!”_

_Goshiki stood in panic as he stood bewildered at the display in front of him. Kuroo slurred words increased in volume the more he spoke. With his hair sticking up in places it usually didn’t, shirt half untucked, and suit jacket half falling off his body, Kuroo leaned on the blonde woman absolutely hammered. She held a mostly empty bottle of champagne, equally as drunk and nearly falling over._

Goshiki looked over in hope of his possible memory resurface but dashed away all hope after Kuroo opened his mouth.

“I’m always insistent, Goshiki.”

“Yes, sir.”

“But I’m not to be trusted, am I?” Kuroo nonchalantly looked away and turned his attention back to ‘U.S Scientist Sees New Ice Age Coming’.

“No, sir. But-” Goshiki started speaking but was quickly interrupted by Kuroo slamming down his paper and standing up. He had quickly learned to shut up when spoken to by Mr. Tetsurou, as the help should. 

“No, shut up. I have to go. If I find so much as one blonde hair or any remnant of last night when I get back I’ll…” Kuroo trailed off and furrowed his eyebrows. He paused and squinted at a confused looking Goshiki.

“I’ll… rub salt in your dead little eyes.”

_I’m not really sure where I was going with that. Not your best._

“Very good, sir.” Goshiki agreed, almost as if his request was reasonable. Kuroo paused again and stared at Goshiki. 

“I also need you to go buy salt.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“I don’t know if they grade it but…” Kuroo trailed off as he went deep into thought. He grabbed his suit jacket and started heading towards the door. Before reaching it, he turned around and stared Goshiki dead in the face.

“Coarse.”

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy friends! I'm sorry if you're disappointed to find no chapter, but I promise there will be an update soon! Here's my little author introduction ;) 
> 
> My name is Somes and I kinda went MIA in the writer community. I've orphaned all of my old works and the previous account I was associated with is, unfortunately, a thing of the past. Welcome my children! This is my new permanent residence. This is my first multi-chapter long fic since 2016, and I'm SUPER excited to be writing again! I've been working on this for a while but I'm hoping I haven't bit off more than I can chew... 
> 
> Chapter 2 coming soon!


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